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THE CLOCK STRIKES HELL HOUR
Vanitas is a bit iffy about dark corridors right now, given the real estate he's currently loaning. It's a pain, because they're just so easy to make and come naturally to him. He can use the lanes at least though, which is good, because otherwise the only way to the orange town bolted onto Yen Sid's tower would be the train, and Vanitas doesn't want to walk. Or really interact with people right now.
He just needs a fresh air today. The tower's getting way too full and Sora's friendly, but also a little too much at times, and also a reminder of just how far and close Ventus is right now. Lea looks like he's thinking the exact same thing, whenever they're in the same room together, Riku talks to him without meeting his (current) face, and Kairi... well actually there's nothing wrong there. But the cooped up feeling is still enough to get him wanting out for a bit. The increasing oppressive feeling of knowing the clock is ticking hasn't been helping.
The clocktower is picked arbitrarily. It's the highest point in the town he can see, and he likes to be tall, and there's probably not going to be anyone there. Perfect. And later he can see if there's any interesting rocks in the hills and woods nearby. He's going to have to start all over with his collection, thanks Ventus.
Unbeknownst to him, trying to use a Lane within a world isn't really what they're intended for. The result is a kind of universal hiccup trying to smooth over the contradictory commands to go to a different world that is also the same world.
Sorry, Roxen.
He just needs a fresh air today. The tower's getting way too full and Sora's friendly, but also a little too much at times, and also a reminder of just how far and close Ventus is right now. Lea looks like he's thinking the exact same thing, whenever they're in the same room together, Riku talks to him without meeting his (current) face, and Kairi... well actually there's nothing wrong there. But the cooped up feeling is still enough to get him wanting out for a bit. The increasing oppressive feeling of knowing the clock is ticking hasn't been helping.
The clocktower is picked arbitrarily. It's the highest point in the town he can see, and he likes to be tall, and there's probably not going to be anyone there. Perfect. And later he can see if there's any interesting rocks in the hills and woods nearby. He's going to have to start all over with his collection, thanks Ventus.
Unbeknownst to him, trying to use a Lane within a world isn't really what they're intended for. The result is a kind of universal hiccup trying to smooth over the contradictory commands to go to a different world that is also the same world.
Sorry, Roxen.
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He grimaces a little as Vanitas calls him out, hunching his shoulders a bit with a sigh. Point taken. He'd like to, really. Idealistically he'd like to. Practically...he really doesn't want to see the other boy. He doesn't like him, even if theoretically he know Vanitas is a victim. He's just also someone who wants to hurt him...and he just doesn't want to deal with it.
He will have to, of course. There's no avoiding it. And maybe he will try then--but he doesn't want to think on it. To many headaches.
Instead he resumes his careful measured gaze on Vanitas as he speaks, trying to understand the other boy as he talks. His heart does genuinely ache as Vanitas struggles through it, even if Roxen is as lost for answers. He doesn't know what Eraqus thought or wanted, or if not letting Vanitas fight was a good idea (though it is weird to him. Eraqus never had any qualms with Ven sparring. Was it because of the danger of Unversed, or was he simply stricter with a creature of darkness. Logically, he figures, not allowing Ven to fight would have delayed creation of the Chi Blade just as effectively...so why.)
"They always healed me." He does point out, interjecting thoughtfully. "Even when they were the reason I got hurt. It was the intent that mattered..." They healed him because it was practical, not out of any genuine care. To Roxen, intent has as much merit as the action does. "But from what you said... I don't think Eraqus was like that."
And then he lands on the question Roxen has been asking himself even before he was really aware. One that tormented Ventus as doggedly as it seemed to torment Vanitas (though Ventus had precious little time to process it). Why? If he was going to do it, why didn't he do it from the very start? Why keep it a secret? Why why why?
Roxen can't answer that. He doesn't try to because he doesn't know either. Its a horrible question to beat your head against, because while he's a hand better at nuance then Vanitas, it still doesn't make sense.
Vanitas turns to glare at him, and Roxen stops to note how red his eyes are, not the yellow he's familiar with before his careful expression shuts down into something stony with gritted teeth. A familar migraine starts up.
"Eraqus raised me." He said, hissing it out like the words pained him (and they did!). "He taught me so much. He...did so much. I was so happy living with him..."
"But." He says and his blue eyes are cold as he stares down at the stone. "He never explained anything. I--Ventus-whatever, I wasn't a bad kid. I didn't like breaking the rules. If he'd told me, about Vanitas and Xehanort and the Chi-Blade, I would have understood why he wanted to keep me close. Then if I left, it really would have been my fault for risking everyone. But it wasn't my fault--because he didn't tell me!"
"And then before I'd even figured anything out." He spat. "Before I knew who Vanitas was or who I'd been. When I came home of my own volition looking for answers, he tried to kill me. Didn't even spare me a second to ask a question or explain myself. Oh, I knew something was up, something terrible I was being used for. But Eraqus just told me I didn't deserve to live--and left it at that. Didn't even try to convince me to stay, or offer a solution. He did that to me. To us. He was so invested in maintaining our peaceful status quo, that he forgot to honestly try and protect us with any goodwill. How can I ever forgive him for that?"
Oh..who knew Axel and Eraqus were actually more similar then he thought. He shoves the comparison away before it can take root with any strength. He doesn't want to think about that. Axel at least, made it up to him by protecting Sora.
He's been raising his voice for a while now, and he grabs his own arms to calm down, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm yelling. I'm sorry. Its hard for me to understand to." A breath. "..I can't tell you if I hate him or not. I'm really really angry at him, but I still love him. But...I never want to see him again. Not really. I'm...glad I don't have to. Isn't that kind of horrible?" He rubbed his face a little, trying to get his thoughts to make sense.
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For Vanitas, intent is a black box. He can only work backwards from what was actually done. Vanitas doesn't consider sparring as 'fighting', in this metric, but to be honest there wasn't much of that either, and only very late, under high supervision. Ostensibly because of the gap in skill, because of the risk of Unversed being created by an accidental hit, and also because of Vanitas's enthusiasm combined with a penchant for dirty tricks (the whole point of a spar was to win, right?). It was mostly theory, drills, and magic practice, instead. Vanitas reaches the same conclusion Roxen does, of wondering why he was allowed to get stronger at all. It's part of the whole mess of things.
"It's fine." Vanitas waves off the apology easily. There's a pang, a sharp painful spike, but it's not because of the yelling. He's used to being yelled at occasionally, and this isn't even at him. It's his own memories of Eraqus coming up, the good ones. He gives Roxas a 'look who you're talking to' expression, on the horrible end of things. "If you don't hate him, then you know the Organization was worse." It's possibly the teeniest thread of a silver lining ever, but it's something Vanitas can give, a certainty. There's a scale and this magic teacher who really wasn't is further down it. Vanitas is shaky on the whole idea of forgiveness but he likes to consider himself an expert on negative emotions (although he's probably not as much of one as he thinks). He leans back on his elbows.
"He tried to kill you. Not wanting to see him again isn't horrible, it's sane." It's that simple to Vanitas. Black and white thinking at work again. Nevermind that he himself doesn't know if he'd want to see Eraqus again, if the man was still alive. It just feels. So horribly unfinished, how things ended. There was no true close to it, no deliberate severance. The choice to fight for his life was taken out of his hands. He'd never see Eraqus again, and it wouldn't be because he chose not to.
('So invested in maintaining the status quo that he forgot to protect us with goodwill' would sting if Vanitas were more self-aware. That one year was... kind of like that, rip.)
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"It's not really how bad he is that matters." He finally sighs, running a hand through his hair. "It's just that...he did something bad. To both of us. Which means...I don't know what it means. But it means something. I can't think about it any more then that." Even thinking about his old Master's face is starting to feel like a nail being driven through his skull.
"Aqua misses him." He sighs. "I don't...know if she knows. I'm not going to tell her. But she misses him and I don't want to see him ever again...do you feel like that with her?"
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Except not, because... there's an expression Vanitas's face gets, the sort of default neutral expression that comes when there's inner turmoil he's focusing on keeping down instead of having it come out, quite literally.
It's not as bad here as in other cases, but it's basically habit at this point. He looks down, thinking, picking at the hem of Ventus's blue lobster shirt before remembering and stopping. "I don't know where Aqua is," he admits. "Mickey says the Realm of Darkness, but I can't go because this is in the way." He gestures once again at his body, this time with a snarl of frustration at the situation. If he was his full darknessy self, the Realm would probably pose no obstacle at all, in his mind.
Sora really needs to get the power of waking, but he's also recuperating from the disaster that was the Mastery exam.
i forgot about the blue lobster shirt, praise the blue lobster shirt.
"Oh." Truthfully, Roxen probably doesn't look very concerned. To him, the solution to this problem is already readily apperant, and hey, if it worked out for him, it'll probably work out for Vanitas. "I guess you woke up early then. She'd already gotten out when I woke up." The first person he saw, really. It was just going to be him, a mess of a person in a dream forever, and then suddenly there was Aqua.
"Why would that get in the way? It's just a body." Between being a nobody, and a half heart of pure light, darkness has never really factored into Roxen's daily concerns. He hasn't tried using a dark corridor yet, but in his head he believes himself still totally capable of them. Why wouldn't he? Hell, Roxas specialized in light spells, and he could still use them.
"If you wanna go, you should just go." He waves a hand flippantly. Yes he's a bit of a methodical thinker but what are consequences again? Running off to save friends is always a 10/10 course of action. "Axel...Lea could probably get you there if you asked. Borrow one of the coats."
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Instead of realizing Roxen is making several assumptions about the timeline and accidentally conflating Vanitas's benevolent possession with Ventus's future awakening, Vanitas's mood ticks up a few points as he fully buys it, a considering spark in his eyes. Roxen has no reason to lie, and Aqua IS badass enough to break out on her own, in his mind. If she's out there somewhere in the worlds now it's just a matter of finding her.
As a result he's less snappish than he could be when he rolls his eyes and says "Yeah, and who'd have to explain that I lost it if it ends up wrecked." It bothers him a lot more than his flippant tone suggests - he technically knows replicas are a thing but not that they can be convenient blank slate bodies for such a purpose. If this shell of Ventus dies... that's it. Still tho. He really does want to, stop enabling him Roxen. But at least it's not as much of concern because Aqua's not there after all :' )
He extends a hand in front of him and darkness swirls to make a portal hanging just in front of the tower. He smirks. "Who needs Lea?" It collapses as he withdraws his hand, thinking. "How good are the coats?" Are they as good as keyblade armor? He finds himself a little skeptical, just by default.
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Well he's at least 50% sure.... If Sora has issues its probably his own fault from stabbing himself out of his heart all the time!
"Hey!" He pouts a bit. "Lea is useful. He knows a lot of stuff." Despite all complicated feelings, he does still feel obligated to stick up for his best friend. "He's the one who showed me where to get the ice cream we just finished." And now he wants more. Drat.
"Not quite sure." He said honestly. "I didn't...well I didn't think I had a heart when I was using them. So I wasn't really paying attention to if I was getting darkness on me, 'n stuff." He pauses. "But, you know. Xehanort wears a coat instead of keyblade armor, and since he's a master he probably has one of those. So, I think they must be at least as good. I don't think he'd wear something that didn't work."
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Roxas got a Ventus-heart makeover so maybe that hit the reset button? Who knows. A mystery.
Vanitas's face gets the grumpy sour expression common to those who know a good point is being made at them that they will only begrudgingly accept. Much as he dislikes Xehanort (most of the ire squarely at the feet of having to live with and never see Terra for a year) and would not trust the man or anything he says out of principle, Roxen has a point.
"I'll see if Lea can get me one." Vanitas does have a nose for who can or will enable shenaniganry and he has not incorrectly pegged Lea as the sort who would let him sneak out to do this despite technically not being allowed to, without telling anyone. So he is useful, and this is Vanitas low key saying as much because his pride can inflict him with obliqueness sometimes. He leans forward, interested. "Where did you get it?" It was actually pretty good. He wouldn't mind getting more for himself, later. (He's going to eat like twenty bars in quick succession and regret it soundly).