THE CLOCK STRIKES HELL HOUR
Apr. 8th, 2020 06:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vapidusVanitas is a bit iffy about dark corridors right now, given the real estate he's currently loaning. It's a pain, because they're just so easy to make and come naturally to him. He can use the lanes at least though, which is good, because otherwise the only way to the orange town bolted onto Yen Sid's tower would be the train, and Vanitas doesn't want to walk. Or really interact with people right now.
He just needs a fresh air today. The tower's getting way too full and Sora's friendly, but also a little too much at times, and also a reminder of just how far and close Ventus is right now. Lea looks like he's thinking the exact same thing, whenever they're in the same room together, Riku talks to him without meeting his (current) face, and Kairi... well actually there's nothing wrong there. But the cooped up feeling is still enough to get him wanting out for a bit. The increasing oppressive feeling of knowing the clock is ticking hasn't been helping.
The clocktower is picked arbitrarily. It's the highest point in the town he can see, and he likes to be tall, and there's probably not going to be anyone there. Perfect. And later he can see if there's any interesting rocks in the hills and woods nearby. He's going to have to start all over with his collection, thanks Ventus.
Unbeknownst to him, trying to use a Lane within a world isn't really what they're intended for. The result is a kind of universal hiccup trying to smooth over the contradictory commands to go to a different world that is also the same world.
Sorry, Roxen.
He just needs a fresh air today. The tower's getting way too full and Sora's friendly, but also a little too much at times, and also a reminder of just how far and close Ventus is right now. Lea looks like he's thinking the exact same thing, whenever they're in the same room together, Riku talks to him without meeting his (current) face, and Kairi... well actually there's nothing wrong there. But the cooped up feeling is still enough to get him wanting out for a bit. The increasing oppressive feeling of knowing the clock is ticking hasn't been helping.
The clocktower is picked arbitrarily. It's the highest point in the town he can see, and he likes to be tall, and there's probably not going to be anyone there. Perfect. And later he can see if there's any interesting rocks in the hills and woods nearby. He's going to have to start all over with his collection, thanks Ventus.
Unbeknownst to him, trying to use a Lane within a world isn't really what they're intended for. The result is a kind of universal hiccup trying to smooth over the contradictory commands to go to a different world that is also the same world.
Sorry, Roxen.
this is the more fitting account and it hurts me
Date: 2020-04-08 08:02 am (UTC)He'd snuck here without telling anyone (not unlike a certain counterpart) even though he knew it would get Aqua worried sick, with Terra still unaccounted for (and she wouldn't give him the details on that- did she not trust him? Was she hiding something?)
No, slow down, breathe. That was the sort of thinking that had steered Ven wrong (but for Roxas it had been so horribly right and that ached still, deep in his chest).
He didn't find himself trusting very easily anymore, even if his mind riled against it. He was safe, and Aqua was here and Axel was Lea and tall and kind and so much like his best days when they were in the organization. It was wonderful, it made him very happy. But he felt..haunted. Like something in his chest was cracked and broken and he had to curl around it, lest the world upend him again.
The creak of the stairs behind him and his head darts up. The noise suprises him, but its so familar he finds himself turning with a smile, expecting.
His own face blinked back, and the boys own expression drops, his smile falling into something shocked and guarded. There's a horrible deja-vu to this, like he's still dreaming (though he knew he never saw his own face in his dreams) and a looming sense of doom arrives in time to make the boy furrow his brow.
"What do you want?" There's no point in beating around the bush. He knows who that is, after all, even if he doesn't know the why. No amount of wishing he wasn't here wasn't going to do anything. Action needed to be taken. He only has ice cream in his hand, not a keyblade, but honestly.....he really doesn't want to waste it.
hhhHHH
Date: 2020-04-08 08:19 am (UTC)"You." He says, like he isn't surprised either, because he's not. The Xehanort-Ven hasn't shown up in a while, mostly in reflections or when Vanitas is with people and therefore can't reply. Super aggravating. He's taken to ignoring him and it seems to be working, especially where the guy can't tip him into a sea of heartless, but he was looking forward to some alone clock tower time. Which is probably, of course, why it's being ruined.
"You to disappear, for starters." Despite this he comes down from the steps he paused at the top of, sitting at the full other end of the edge. It's a matter of pride, he decided he was going to do this and he's going to follow through even if the moment's been ruined. He leans back on his palms and determinedly stares out at the eternal sunset. Don't you even think about pushing him, Ven's body, off.
augh
Date: 2020-04-08 08:36 am (UTC)Except of course he probably isn't dreaming. Probably. That's what makes this all the stranger.
Still, he can't say he's totally impartial. When Vanitas tells him to dissapear, the boys mouth curls and he pointedly moves his second ice cream to the side opposite which Vanitas is now leaning, glaring at him.
"I'm not going to disappear again." He bites out, punctuating his statement with an angry bite of ice cream. "What? Are you supposed to be some kind of replacement? For...." He checks the clothes, and it takes him a second to remember who dresses like that. "Ventus." It feels weird to say the (his) name out loud, and he grimaces again.
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Date: 2020-04-08 08:49 am (UTC)Then Roxen hits the button, and the doubt subsides a bit. "I'm not Ventus," he says, with the irritation of someone who knows (or at least thinks) his nerves are being deliberately gotten on but also that this knowledge isn't preventing it. At least he doesn't have to worry about Unversed happening at the moment, small silver linings. "Some memories aren't going to change that, we've been over this, drop it."
He'd add a threat to this if there was really anything he could do to an intangible projection, instead jabbing a finger at him. "I'm not Ventus, and you're definitely not Ventus." He'd call him a freeloader but realizes thinking it that uh, that also describes him right now.
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Date: 2020-04-08 09:08 am (UTC)"Roxas then?" His tone is actually a bit snide, this time. A bit of an inside joke. Did it really make a difference? He snorts. "You're the one up here bothering me, idiot. Why would memories have anything to do with that?"
He falters when Vanitas jabs at him. Honestly its more of a full body flinch, like he'd been slapped. It hurts, to hear whats true and untrue. He isn't Ventus, but he is, down to every drop of marrow in his body and the conflict is enough of a headache he almost grips his head to stop the migrane. But its been a few days now, awake, and this isn't the first time something like this happened. He's just so glad he isn't asleep, that this confusion can't loop back around to hurt him the way it did in Sora's heart.
"I.." Its hard to know what to do. Part of him wants to pick a fight--but thats really not what "Ventus" would do. Ventus...he...was always more the sort to kind of roll with things until he felt like he absolutely had to push back, but Roxas can't stand not sticking up for himself. Even if its sticking up for being, not himself--but he is Ventus. He's just also Roxas--because they were always the same and AUGH!
"Oh man, Vanitas was right." He mutters to himself, pressing a hand to his forehead. "I really did break something." Who ever knew he'd be to broken to talk back an exciting third time. He can't even think up a good response to this stupid insult.
With a huff, he gently sets his ice cream down on top of the other (and please don't let it melt) and he draws his keyblade, leveling it across from where he's sitting at the boy. Its Oathkeeper this time, because of course it is. He can't even stay true to theme. Thank goodness his friends haven't asked him to fight yet. He really doesn't know how to break the news if even something like this sets his head off.
"I don't know what you are, but I'm gonna ask you to get out of here." Something knocks in his head, and he hisses. It's always horrible when he forgets how he's even supposed to talk, because of course thats different. "Please? You're really upsetting me."
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Date: 2020-04-08 09:31 am (UTC)It's the flinch that gets him. He can't really picture Xehanort flinching in any circumstance, somehow. Except being struck with a blunt weapon. There's also a hot second where the snideness makes Vanitas wonder if he's actually the person standing across from him, but a shake of the head solves that, even as he bristles at the actual content. His name being mentioned also helps, although he has to wonder when he said that. The two of them have broken quite a few things.
All of this has lead to Vanitas's expression and red eyes showing a blank and calculating confusion as he stands up, given something isn't adding up here. "I wasn't aware it was your clock tower," he snarks back. Excuse you, but he came here for reasons entirely unrelated to bothering for once. Void Gear eagerly flashes into his hand in response to... actually he's never seen that other keyblade before. What is going on?
(A half sunk memory. Another Ventus. The accusation of replica. Is this what he was talking about?)
Void Gear's tip lowers as Vanitas's borrowed eyes narrow. "Who are you?" Something about the please is a little jarring. It's not that Vanitas has no intention of moving - there's no point in staying - but that he's racing to catch up with the situation.
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Date: 2020-04-08 09:45 am (UTC)Ok this might not be entirely true, but Roxas genuinely believed it. In his baby opinion Axel might as well have made this tower—it’s their ice cream spot and nobody else’s.
He looks down at the keyblade in suprise and recoils, drawing Oathbreaker up further to meet it. “Vanitas??” He says, narrowing his eyes in confusion. “Wha...why do you look like Ventus??”
It’s an honest question—but he’s quickly distracted by Vanitas’s own. “What do you think?” He bites our harshly.
“If you’re Vanitas.” He raises his other hand and Oblivion dropped in. “Then I guess...you’ll get it half right.” He waits a second, expectant. “So...are you here to fight?” He doesn’t sound very opposed. I’ll take this second to remind everyone how ridiculously op Kh3 Roxas was, and that despite probable brain damage, Ven is no slouch. Roxen is uh...probably a little ridiculous in power level, if he can get his head on straight.
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Date: 2020-04-08 10:14 am (UTC)"I could ask you the same question, whoever you are. That's," he gestures at Oathkeeper with his own "new." He takes a step closer with the intent to get a good look at the other's eyes, because he's kind of sick of people he knows or possibly knows getting possessed, but then Oblivion flashes into existence and kind of derails that idea.
It's probably a little hilarious how... indignantly baffled Vanitas's reaction is. "Two?" Technically Vanitas and Ventus could have dual-wielded when they were briefly smushed up against each other in the same body, but it never came up. The black and white reminds Vanitas of the chi-blade halves actually, which leads him to an entirely erroneous train of thought - although they look different, leading to a little unintended uncertainty when he says "So, you're both of us." He never liked to think about the result of if they'd stayed stuck like that, leaking into each other until they were just one thing, but it has stuck in his mind.
Vanitas scowls. Leaving aside the fact that if they really were the fusion he thought they'd be OP (and unwittingly unaware of Roxen's OPness in his own right), he's in Ventus's body and he's already added far more scars to it than he intended to - it just seems to pick them right up. "No," he says. "Believe it or not, do I look like I thought you'd be here?" He's not going to dismiss his keyblade until Roxen puts away his own, but he's not readying it either (to Void Gear's disappointment.)
two ;)
Date: 2020-04-08 05:20 pm (UTC)"This is Ventus's body." He said plainly. He leveled two perfectly blue normal eyes at Vanitas and scowled again. "Its my body." It didn't sound possessive, more like he was trying to reassure himself.
And ok, he laughs a bit at Vanitas's expression. It's funny seeing an old rival react--he really wishes Riku or Sora had been similarly impressed honestly. He has no idea how he suddenly got two keyblades, but he's really not going to tell Vanitas that, even if he's a weirdly amiable non hostile version.
He shook his head a bit, still chuckling. "No, no see I told you you'd only get it half right. You're not the Vanitas Sora and Aqua fought, are you? He's still." He waves Oathkeeper a little "Running around."
An amiable boy himself, when Vanitas says no, he actually does in fact believe him. It's not trust really...but he's not asking the boy to like him or anything. And to be fair, he did not seem like he expected him to be here. He dismisses his own keyblades, hopping off the ledge to grab his ice cream again and then, as an afterthought, extended the second towards Vanitas.
"Wanna explain, Not-Vanitas? I'll tell you what I am if you tell me what you are."
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Date: 2020-04-08 10:51 pm (UTC)Of course he'd react so strongly to two! He's trained for four years as per keyblade tradition, and nobody ever mentioned or even appeared to think it was a possibility. It feels a little like cheating, just a bit. Vanitas puffs up a little further at being laughed at - how was he supposed to know - but dismisses Void Gear and sits down as the other does.
The peace-offering ice cream is regarded a little skeptically - Vanitas isn't too fond of sweet things even if this body really likes them - but he takes the gesture for what it is and takes the stick delicately, picking at the plastic wrapping with the air of someone unused to such packaging being the norm.
"You said it before," he said nonchalantly, waving the icecream around a little. "This is Ventus's body. Fairly simple, even you can get it." It's still incredibly strange to see a Ventus (or... Not-Ventus?) not acting like his Ventus, but prior experience with meeting one before is giving him more of a smug foundation. He's not on the back foot this time. "If nobody's using it, it's free real estate."
He takes a small bite of the icecream, and can't stop a small expression of pleased surprise. It's not as overpoweringly sweet as he thought it would be, but more salty instead, just enough to offset what sweetness there is. His next bite is a little more normal.
"What do you mean, there's a me still running around." He sounds a little annoyed by this. Sure, it makes sense there'd be a him here, but two of them? Kairi had already made everyone sit down with a whiteboard, and this definitely didn't come up and would probably have necessitated a fourth marker colour. "If I'm half right, who's the other half?" C'mon, fill your end of this impromptu bargain.
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Date: 2020-04-08 11:27 pm (UTC)He raised a brow, eyeing Vanitas warily. "Free real estate. Is he...not in there? What are you a version of him who won or something? Or did I..he die." That's honestly the better option. He wouldn't mind someone using his dead body if his soul was gone...especially if it meant Vanitas maybe turned out less evil.
Life is indeed, already so goddamn weird. Roxen is really just kind of deciding to roll with the implication this is another version of Vanitas that isnt the one he's currently familiar with and stamp down the burning desire to push the issue on alternate selves.
It is good to see he approves of Sea Salt ice cream. It is of course, the best flavor.
"Like." The cheeky grin tugging at the corner of his lips is all like the Ventus Vanitas met in the graveyard. "Ya'know. The one in the black suit with the mask, like ten years ago. They're really resurrecting everyone, even me. He's running around monologuing about trying to become one? Working with the real Organization 13?" He points his half eaten ice cream at Vanitas. "He can't be you, because I'm already in Ventus's body. Ergo--He's probably still running around, not realizing that what he wants can't happen anymore."
He pauses at the question and then cocks his head. "...Well, you might not even know me. Do you know who Roxas is...was?"
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Date: 2020-04-08 11:53 pm (UTC)"He's not dead." Vanitas's vehement insistence is only a little papered over with a are-you-stupid tone, which is it's own kind of defense. Xehanort-Ven likes poking at the sore spot of the possibility he's stuck. "His heart's in Sora's, I'm just looking after this for now." From the number of visible scars, you could be forgiven for thinking he's not doing a very good job of it. He mutters something under his breath like 'can't even see in the dark'.
Vanitas makes an face at 'real Organization 13'. Xehanort's been killed how many times and he's still ruining everyone's lives? He's also never met his flipped self and really doesn't want to. He still can't believe it's been ten years either, but Lea is almost a literal benchmark there. He swings his leg to kick the air in front of the clock tower. He's allowed to be selfish, by definition - he wants Aqua and Terra back.
"Roxas..." the tone is thoughtful. He's heard that name somewhere before. Unfortunately for Vanitas figuring things out, nobody likes saying the R word around Lea. "I've heard the name." But as to any idea of who the guy is, other than this-Ventus's other half from context, he has no idea.
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Date: 2020-04-09 12:11 am (UTC)Always nice to hear you aren't dead. He wonders if that Ventus might still be Roxas and not have realized it yet. Or maybe its a bit after that, when they were all having those strange dreams with Riku and Sora and the young looking Xehanort.
He slouches on the railing with a sigh. "He's Sora's nobody." If Vanitas doesn't know what that is, then he's really not even going to bother with the rest of this explanation. Didn't Eraqus mention them as a theoretical thing anyway? Maybe hes got the memories of that. At least pay attention during Kairi's whiteboard lectures!
The sun is setting red in the distance, and Roxen keeps his eyes there as he drums his fingers on the railing as he talks. "When Sora ripped out his heart like an idiot to save Kairi, he didn't know that I was still recovering in there. It had only been what...six years? Since me and Vanitas destroyed eachother. So my heart just...got ripped to tatters all over again, and what as left was stuck in that body without Sora. And a body without a heart becomes a nobody...but I guess I was enough that the nobody looked like me, not Sora."
"So that was Roxas. I didn't remember anything. I was a new person really, or a not person, without a heart. The organization picked me up--thats where I met Axel. He took me here all the time for ice cream after missions." He smiles a bit. He'd been so happy then, to. "Anyway...Sora was still a heartless, so he had to get his body back and all, so I got...taken out of the picture." No he will not go into it. Do not ask him about it. Don't.
He looks back Vanitas, raising a brow. "Are you following? Ventus goes to Sora. Sora accidentally rips himself away from Ventus. Ventus becomes Roxas--who goes back to Sora. And then they rip that mishmash of a heart out and put it back in its body and don't even realize." He lets out a laugh.
"Wow, it actually sounds really depressing when I say it out loud like that. I haven't even told anyone about this yet. Can't believe I'm telling Vanitas first of all people." Not like this Vanitas would get upset though. The other one'll be pissed theres no more room for darkness but hey, this guys already got Ven's body to look after.
"Anyway. Hi, I'm Roxas. Also Ventus, but you already know him." He takes a vicious bite of ice cream. "Now are you gonna explain how you, a second Vanitas in Ven's body are here?"
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Date: 2020-04-09 12:45 am (UTC)Roxen makes a good showing though, even as Vanitas is feeling the whiteboard vibes all over again. He vaguely knows what Nobodies are, as the members of Organization 13 and the grey squiggly things. Eraqus might have mentioned them in a lore lesson but if he did, that's buried somewhere in memory.
He's also affronted at Roxen's clear doubt.jpg. Look, he's been looking after it fine! He's been eating and sleeping and drinking and everything, even if he forgets sometimes (it really doesn't help that Ventus's body is so conditioned to hardship it often won't tell him it needs something until he finds himself face down on the breakfast table). A body is overrated.
There's a prickle at the back of Vanitas's neck, that even shattering a heart isn't enough. He can hear Xehanort-Ven's mocking laughter at the back of his mind. He knew that this other Vanitas and Ventus had killed each other, and that Sora could repair hearts, but the rest was new.
His icecream has just been being held, slowly melting, and his attention is snapped back to it by a drop oozing onto his hand. He licks it off. "Hi, Roxas-Ventus," he returns insouciantly. "Vanitas, but you already knew that." There's a pause as he realises he's going to have to sum up his own tangled whiteboard diagram.
"I kicked out the previous squatter, is how," he says, because starting at the beginning is for losers. "You'd, or half of you, whatever, left it and Xehanort moved in." There's a clear rankled disgust, even hate, in the name. "I don't know how it happened, you threw me through a portal." He's still a little buttmad about that, by the way. Xehanort-Ven is also not exactly a trustworthy information source. "But you fought him and I guess he shattered your heart and replaced it. And then you went to Sora somehow."
He's honestly a little worried now, given Roxen's story, that his particular Ventus isn't in any condition to return.
"Anyway, took me a while to get back. That portal was weird. I come back and Aqua's gone, Terra's still possessed AND split in two, you're" he gestures at himself. "It's a mess." That's an understatement. He avoids thinking about it too much out of long practice avoiding making Unversed, but if he did... well, it's a good thing things are squaring up towards a fight.
"Speaking of weird, there was a you on the other side. Said that I was the one who'd wanted to fuse, said I'd never lived at the Land of Depature." His eyes slide across to gauge Roxen's reaction. We're getting into the alternate universe hours babey. Time for that burning curiosity.
i love kh except for the games and the lore
Date: 2020-04-09 05:04 am (UTC)"Xehanort? Ew!" He blinks a few time at the implications, grimacing. That does sound like something Xehanort would do. Never one to let a perfectly good empty body go to waste, probably. "Wow, thanks. I really don't want that guy in my body." He'd gunk it all up with his evil darkness or something.
Theres a pause for a second as he lets Vanitas continue, eating his ice cream and nodding. This is really weird. "So we're friends where you come from then? That's kind of weird. But you seem cool." This Vanitas acted more like Hayner then the one he remembers.
"Another me?" He blinks because, uh, ok. "Yeah, that sounds about right? Lines up with what I remember. Are you....not like that? I kind of just assumed you'd stopped being an asshole at some point."
*vanitas voice* undeniable proof we totally owned you lamers
Date: 2020-04-09 05:41 am (UTC)Vanitas fully agrees on the 'ew'. "You're welcome." Now it's just Vanitas's perfectly fine darkness gunking it up, although given how much he was leaking at first he's not sure about that anymore.
He returns to eating his icecream, actually licking it unlike some people who are seemingly immune to brain freeze with teeth of steel. He pauses a little in doing so. 'Friends' is... honestly probably true, at this point, although he hadn't really thought about it. It's right though. During the year Ventus had lived there, even with all it's stresses, they had become friends, even... "Brothers. And I am cool." What's this seem.
You don't have to put it so bluntly, Roxen. He never was an asshole (this is a lie, but only a small one). "No, for me it was the other way around." Although Ventus wasn't so much an asshole as just, frankly, infuriating and terrifying. Vanitas, after the fight against him, has reserved his true ire and blame for Xehanort. "The other you acted like it was Christmas when he heard, for some reason." He's actually preferring Roxen's more thoughtful, subdued reaction. "Why I ended up somewhere like here again, I don't know."
He just wanted to sit on a clocktower. : /
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Date: 2020-04-09 06:07 am (UTC)"Brothers?" Alright, well thats taking it a bit far. He harbors a healthy dislike for Vanitas in general, that has certainly bloomed into a more substantial negative opinion ever since he remembered all of Roxas's substantial negative opinions. If he was going to call anyone a sibling it'd be...it'd be someone else. He pushes past the subject. "Oh, so. I was training under Xehanort, and you went to live with Aqua and Terra." Unlike an extremely overexcitable half of him, Roxen actually takes the time to think the implications of things through.
"That...augh. Ew." He shakes his head. "I mean good for you I guess. But, sounds kind of terrible for me." His brow furrowed. "And wait, you befriended him?" Does that mean that he's doomed to be a really ineffective villain--or that Vanitas is actually better at fixing things then him. He's disturbed by the implications of both....best not to dwell on it.
"Well its probably kind of exciting to hear...." He feels an odd need to stick up for poor weird not Roxas alternate Ventus. Lucky bastard. "Ya'know. Have you met other you, you might kind of get it after you get a feel of his..." He wiggles a hand. "...Is it rude if I say sheer manical desire to do harm? I'm really not looking forward to telling him that I already kind of got my darkness back."
"You probably did something dumb." He says helpfully, but cheerfully. "But, hey cheer up. I'm giving you ice cream." Nobody would have given you that back in your world.
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Date: 2020-04-09 07:25 am (UTC)He's liking you already Roxen, you're so quick on the uptake. Vanitas pulls up a knee so he can prop an elbow on it and then a chin on his hand, the icecream hanging at an angle as he regards it before resuming eating it, shrugging. "It just kind of happened. He turned against Xehanort and then we brought him back home." It was that or leaving him in an empty, dead world. And Terra was possessed, and Aqua was busy and so stressed and well. That move had already earnt points. Vanitas snorts a little. "The old bastard didn't trust him at all, tried to possess him to get the chi blade in the middle of our fight." He still remembers the sheer secondhand betrayal of it, his hand unconsciously tightening on the icecream stick.
"I've never met him, but from what I've heard, I'd like to see his face when you do that." Vanitas's grin is tinged schadenfreudic, and it shows all of his Ventus's teeth. Honestly his opinions on his other self are mostly informed by the idea he worked for Xehanort as well as stuff he's mentally flipped, probably with some inaccuracies (and also with juuust a dash of his own issues).
Excuse you, he does not do dumb things (this one is DEFINITELY A LIE). Probably he could have gotten icecream, if he'd asked, but as far as Vanitas's thinking goes it's fairly firmly associated with Disney World. It didn't occur to him to ask at all.
He's also never had it as a bar before. "It's the weirdest icecream I've ever had," he says, which means he likes it.
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Date: 2020-04-09 07:58 am (UTC)"He turned against--" He begins, and stops, letting Vanitas finish his story. He's quiet for a bit after that, eating his own ice cream.
"I really don't get why he keeps doing that." He mumbles a bit. "Xehanort, I mean. I thought the Organization was...well it really was the only thing I had to compare to a family. I really wanted to do a good job. But Xemnas--Xehanort, was always going to stab me in the back."
He doesn't exactly remember the how of that. He remembers it being bad, so bad he decided he needed to leave, despite the threat of Riku and the confusing mess with Sora. He thinks even as he was running away that night that he didn't really understand why he so desperately needed to run, why he was so angry at Axel. A lot of his memories are just really fuzzy. Maybe Namine gave him brain damage to.
"Ah." He chuckles, grimacing. "Yeah, its gonna be kind of funny. If you're gonna stick around you're welcome to watch. That'll tick him off even more. Two Ventus's, and he can't have either of them."
The idea of pushing Vanitas to the edge is pretty funny, but he does feel a twinge of worry at the thought of fighting him. He...really doesn't want to have to kill him again. He won't not to it--really theres not excuse if he's pushed. But Vanitas is still some angry, trapped and used part of him, and his own person, and he does wish he could let him have some kind of chance. If only that didn't require interacting with him.
He snaps up, eyes burning with passion and Vanitas forgotten at the mention of Sea salt ice cream being 'weird'. "Hey." He says, pointing at Vanitas. "It's not weird. Its the best ice cream."
vanitas actually process things dammit
Date: 2020-04-09 11:13 am (UTC)"Who knows why Xehanort does any of what he does." Vanitas honestly has no real interest in the guy's motives, as opposed to his actions. His Ventus talked about recreating the worlds with Kingdom Hearts with fervent faith, but as Vanitas pointed out at the time, he wouldn't trust Xehanort with a stick, let alone to do that. He's already a liar. "Kingdom Hearts this and Chi-blade that..."
He looks at Roxas as he mentions the Organization being a family, because the pieces were there but didn't click until he did. Roxas was part of the Organization, working for Xehanort. Or, well, a piece of him. Same thing. This goes through a chain of association in his mind, until what actually comes out his mouth is
"Did Eraqus do the same thing with you?" Empathy is hard for Vanitas. What he's managed to get down mostly involves the Golden Rule, imagining things happening to him, or his simple nose for weak points. This is his closest equivalent to the idea of living with Terra and Aqua, and realizing that life was predicated on a dangerous lie. His Ventus might have a better idea of it. Vanitas picks at the red laces on one of his boots with his free hand. He never actually really talked about the events of that day, beyond a vague and bare-bones recounting to Aqua, because he is a repression pro.
"I didn't say it was bad weird," he says, lifting his head, a little amused by how hotly Roxen is defending it. "It's better than most of the stuff in Disney Town, at least. So, passable." Okay he's just having fun ribbing you at this point, pay him no mind. "If I can't find a way to get back in time." He's avoiding thinking about the fact he might be stuck here - whoops - for obvious to himself reasons. He doesn't have an other him to fight but he wants to find and rescue his Terra and Aqua. It hurts that they're gone.
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Date: 2020-04-10 08:54 am (UTC)It takes him a full minute to process Vanitas's question, at first looking at him with confusion, then recognition, and then an array of emotions and genuine pain as he tried to process the memory.
See, thats really not, a good memory for Roxas and Ventus to agree on. What Ventus was feeling then, when he'd realized his life was a lie and that he was being set up for something horrible. So horrible that his beloved Master would rather kill him then risk it--It was something Roxas couldn't understand. The acceptance Ventus has felt, how he'd stood there and waited for a blow without even being able to voice a protest, a single, but I didn't know! You never told me!
It's easy for Ventus' narrative of experiences to understand Roxas's desire to fight back--the organization was clearly evil and Roxas lashing out at the ruins of his life is..understandable. But Roxas can't understand accepting something like your own demise without even trying to find another way. To just watch someone solve the problem for you in the worst way possible, standing idly by.
Honestly, he can't even figure out what he thinks of Eraqus.
"Do the same thing with me?" His tone is incredulous. "The what, stabbing in the back? He was rather upfront about it though, wasn't he?" He dragged a hand down his face. "Was that worse...? I, haha. I can't really tell." He's never wanted to talk about something less, discussions of ice cream all but forgotten.
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Date: 2020-04-10 09:19 am (UTC)"Yeah that." Flick flick. He leans back. The honesty was both appreciated and painful, striking that sore spot of years deep. "I think I always expected something like it to happen, I just didn't..." really expect it to happen. It's a mess. It only belatedly hits him that Ventus was never a creature of darkness living among light. He's not sure how to feel about that, about any of it. He knows that the other Ventus just... went with it and still doesn't understand why. In this he's a little closer to Roxas's side of things.
Something in him clicks and twists, in that moment. "Light, dark, Masters." There's scorn in the words. "I didn't think I'd ever be one but I don't want to be now." Does he think Eraqus was as bad as Xehanort? Get back to him on that. But he's sure about this.
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Date: 2020-04-11 08:30 am (UTC)"A master." His breathing is still uneven and he grips his arms. "I think I wanted that once."
Now--does he? Light. He can't even remember. Not remember, can't even think and figure out what "he" feels, not the echoing opinions of two different lives. Its hard enough to focus on whats in front of him.
"I didn't expect it." He says a bit breathlessly. "Not at all. Both times. Never in a million years." The organization's true plans for him had been as unconcievable as Eraqus's actions. Why did stuff like that keep happening to him?
He looked at Vanitas, and even as he struggles to bring his breathing under control he furrows his brow.
"You.." A shuddering exhale. "Expected it? Why?" He could say a lot of things about Eraqus--but he was a kind teacher.
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Date: 2020-04-11 09:03 am (UTC)Vanitas's go tos for comforting others don't go much beyond 'sit next to them like Terra did', and he's kind of already doing that. There's also gifts but that requires more planning. It's different just meeting someone as opposed to living in a castle where you can fully expect the other person to still be around in a week and be right.
He wordlessly shuffles so that he's a little closer anyway, a comfortable distance as opposed to smack bang halfway between Roxen and the far edge where he first sat.
He shrugs, more nonchalantly than he feels, his gaze anywhere but Roxen and mostly looking more at the town below than the horizon. "I'm darkness," he says, deliberately lightly. "That's one of the first things I knew. And Eraqus... he's a Master of Light. It makes sense, if I ever became a problem..."
He doesn't blame himself, exactly, for running off, for filling the worlds with Unversed, for refusing to come back, for the very real danger of the chi blade. He either made those choices with certainty or had no part in them. And he certainly wasn't going to go down easy, would make Eraqus fight for it (or not, he was a Master and Vanitas an apprentice of four years, the gap in skill was real). But, he gets it. The clean ruthless line of that sort of solution. He implemented it on this body's previous tenant.
And yet... it's still a raw wound. Despite everything, Eraqus was kind. Stern, but kind. Memory is always tricky in hindsight but here the narrator is going to state it as objective fact - there was real affection there, in the crinkle of his eyes as he walked in on Vanitas in the middle of making a mess of the kitchen cooking, in the nod of approval whenever Vanitas managed a spell without it coming out dark.
That too, was complex, being praised for things assumed for Aqua and Terra. It was reciprocal in that complexity - Vanitas looked up to Eraqus as he looked up to Aqua and Terra, resented the permeating sense of difference. The only sure thing is that thinking about the way things turned out, aches.
Vanitas bites into what's left of the icecream to feel the cold jar up his teeth. "It makes sense," he repeats.
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Date: 2020-04-12 07:55 am (UTC)"You aren't one though." Roxen laughs a little, in a way that sounds a bit like choking. "Isn't that the point, you r-really did everything much better then I did?" If Vanitas and Ventus were the ones switched, well then a better outcome (of a sort) does deserve to be credited. Roxen certainly isn't imagining his Xehanort raised doppleganger in a positive light--perhaps some perverse version of Roxas, without Axel
and Xionto set him straight."Light." He said, "Was he horrible to you?" It's a bit easy for Roxas's fear fueled memories of authority figures to paint Ventus's memories dangerous in hindsight. Why did you never question this, why did you accept this, why why why. The idea of in another world, Eraqus being cruel to someone who depended on him--it's not inconceivable. That's whats really scary.
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Date: 2020-04-12 09:39 am (UTC)Unless you count Xehanort's. He really hates Xehanort. He scratches at the stone beside him with a fingernail in lieu of making an Unversed.
Roxen asks that question, and he doesn't freeze, but stills. Scratch scratch. The by now almost gone ice-cream slowly slides down the stick, resting on top of the other hand, but he doesn't pay much attention as it drips. Was Eraqus horrible.
No, would be his immediate and what-a-stupid-question response in other circumstances. He didn't think so at the time. He's not sure he thinks so now, but time is the enemy of memory, and sometimes one event can make years of them become questioned. He exhales and licks his hand, sliding off the remaining chunk with his teeth and holding it in his mouth. "I don't know," he says, when it's melted enough he can speak around it. "He wasn't Xehanort. I didn't hate him. I don't even think he hated me." Rueful determination, was the expression on his face as he moved towards Vanitas. Vanitas or his clustering Unversed would have picked up something as strong and dark as hate. That doesn't exactly make it better - there's an acknowledgement and honesty to hate, vicious as it can be. "He kept me around for four years so there must have been something he was getting out of it."
Vanitas's views on friendship and connection in general are heavily based around mutual benefit and choice, as a way for it to make sense to him. He's a weird boy in that he's intensely loyal (to those who earn and keep his trust) but yet would never admit it.
He puts the stick in his mouth and bites down on it with a crunch to leech the last of the flavour out. He doesn't know that WINNER sticks are a thing so he didn't stop to check.
local boy struggles to verbalize concerns abt abuse
Date: 2020-04-12 10:02 am (UTC)Roxen watched Vanitas very very carefully, with an expression that is rather new to him, a sort of focused concern that’s a bit too probing but all genuine. He takes the final bite of his ice cream and sets down the stick. No winner for him.
“When I was first in the organization.” He starts, speaking carefully. “I had a lot of people showing me what to do. On..maybe the third or fourth day. I got taught magic.”
“The person who taught me it wasn’t very nice—but I didn’t know it yet. I couldn’t really get stuff like that. She didn’t want to teach me, but I wasn’t enough of a person to really understand why someone wanted things or not.” He feels like he’s on a bit of a tangent so he switches back. “So she just put me out to fight Heartless and let me fend for myself and get hurt. Didn’t lend a hand. Barely explained. She—“ He brought up his hands in the familiar Ventus way, clawing a little as he struggled for words.
“That’s...horrible, I think. Her, Xemnas, and..a lot of others. They wanted things, but they wanted me to hurt, or didn’t care. They—it was evil but I didn’t realize. I hate them now but I didn’t then.”
He looked at Vanitas. “I’m sorry, I’m not making much sense. I’m just trying to understand. But Eraqus was he horrible like that? You say you don’t hate him. And that he kept you but...as Darkness?”
He grabs his own shoulders, staring down at the city as he kicked his knees. “I don’t get him either, what he did. I just..want to know.”
10/10 for effort roxen, you're doing great sweetie
Date: 2020-04-12 01:22 pm (UTC)Oh yeah, he never mentioned the whole 'amnesiac possessed Terra also was living with us' thing, did he. "Didn't you say there's a Vanitas out there right now?" Be the change you want to see in the world, Roxen, although he's not going to blame you for not. It's just a little bit of a poke, as he does.
Then Roxen gets that weird expression and it wigs Vanitas out a bit and also, bizarrely, reminds him of Aqua. He does, to his credit, do his best to listen, licking the very last of the icecream goo off his fingers, picking under his nails but maintaining a consistent glance. It's clearly important, even though it takes to the end to get why Roxen is saying it.
"He wasn't horrible like that," Vanitas says assuaguingly, although his tone could be misinterpreted as dismissive, especially with the slightly distracted note of someone concentrating on one of those puzzles where there's all those interlocking metal bits you have to separate. "I wasn't allowed to fight anything. Not even my own Unversed." That he knows for certain. "No one was. They had to freeze them if I couldn't stop them, if they got out of hand." It was always a weird sensation, the bite of numbness, and not really pleasant but it was better that the distinctive pain that was his recurring companion for two years.
For the discovery of it, Aqua had apologized profusely before Vanitas even knew what apologies were for. And over time, Vanitas learnt how to control his emotions, in both senses. The Unversed became less numerous, more docile. Temple cats, or rats, or monkeys, left to laze on steps or lounge on windowsills, to Eraqus's approval AND disapproval. He learnt how to take them back without making more, until the only one left in the Land of Departure was Bunny, kept a furtive secret. The random inflictions of pain stopping also helped, even if the last one had been so severe as to make it feel like he was all the way back at the start again.
This much was certain. Vanitas's speech slows as he tests his mental footing going onwards. "He did want to teach me, for whatever reason, or he wouldn't have let me join lessons." Including ones on magic. Vanitas would have snuck down and hidden somewhere to watch anyway, though. He was a free spirit, and also who expected a creature of darkness to behave. "If I became injured and Terra or Aqua didn't heal me, he did." So he hadn't wanted Vanitas to come to at least that much harm.
"Explaining things..." That's where things stick. Vanitas wishes he hadn't thrown the stick just so he could throw it again now. "Lessons, sure. He never told me anything about the Chi-Blade, or Ventus. Just that I came from a boy that died." Vanitas never shared Roxas's curiosity about his situation and himself - would it have mattered to him if he'd known? He can't really know. But it's one of the many threads in the ball Roxen handed him, so he's picking it out to look at it. He's unaware he may be somewhat missing the point, although he does feel like he's gone in a circle and gotten nowhere, so he switches tracks in frustration.
"I get why he did it, I don't get why, if he was going to do it, he didn't do it at the very start." Why does Ross, the biggest friend, not simply eat the others. Even as he said 'became a problem' earlier, it's the contrast that's what he's really struggling with. His black and white thinking finds it difficult to reconcile, not helped by his problems with change. He gestures out sharply at nothing in particular before letting his hand drop back to his side. "That doesn't make sense." He looks at Roxen, red eyes eerily incisive for someone who completely missed the boat on what Roxen was gently and cautiously trying to ask and tell him not a moment earlier. "Do you hate him?"
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Date: 2020-04-13 12:35 am (UTC)He grimaces a little as Vanitas calls him out, hunching his shoulders a bit with a sigh. Point taken. He'd like to, really. Idealistically he'd like to. Practically...he really doesn't want to see the other boy. He doesn't like him, even if theoretically he know Vanitas is a victim. He's just also someone who wants to hurt him...and he just doesn't want to deal with it.
He will have to, of course. There's no avoiding it. And maybe he will try then--but he doesn't want to think on it. To many headaches.
Instead he resumes his careful measured gaze on Vanitas as he speaks, trying to understand the other boy as he talks. His heart does genuinely ache as Vanitas struggles through it, even if Roxen is as lost for answers. He doesn't know what Eraqus thought or wanted, or if not letting Vanitas fight was a good idea (though it is weird to him. Eraqus never had any qualms with Ven sparring. Was it because of the danger of Unversed, or was he simply stricter with a creature of darkness. Logically, he figures, not allowing Ven to fight would have delayed creation of the Chi Blade just as effectively...so why.)
"They always healed me." He does point out, interjecting thoughtfully. "Even when they were the reason I got hurt. It was the intent that mattered..." They healed him because it was practical, not out of any genuine care. To Roxen, intent has as much merit as the action does. "But from what you said... I don't think Eraqus was like that."
And then he lands on the question Roxen has been asking himself even before he was really aware. One that tormented Ventus as doggedly as it seemed to torment Vanitas (though Ventus had precious little time to process it). Why? If he was going to do it, why didn't he do it from the very start? Why keep it a secret? Why why why?
Roxen can't answer that. He doesn't try to because he doesn't know either. Its a horrible question to beat your head against, because while he's a hand better at nuance then Vanitas, it still doesn't make sense.
Vanitas turns to glare at him, and Roxen stops to note how red his eyes are, not the yellow he's familiar with before his careful expression shuts down into something stony with gritted teeth. A familar migraine starts up.
"Eraqus raised me." He said, hissing it out like the words pained him (and they did!). "He taught me so much. He...did so much. I was so happy living with him..."
"But." He says and his blue eyes are cold as he stares down at the stone. "He never explained anything. I--Ventus-whatever, I wasn't a bad kid. I didn't like breaking the rules. If he'd told me, about Vanitas and Xehanort and the Chi-Blade, I would have understood why he wanted to keep me close. Then if I left, it really would have been my fault for risking everyone. But it wasn't my fault--because he didn't tell me!"
"And then before I'd even figured anything out." He spat. "Before I knew who Vanitas was or who I'd been. When I came home of my own volition looking for answers, he tried to kill me. Didn't even spare me a second to ask a question or explain myself. Oh, I knew something was up, something terrible I was being used for. But Eraqus just told me I didn't deserve to live--and left it at that. Didn't even try to convince me to stay, or offer a solution. He did that to me. To us. He was so invested in maintaining our peaceful status quo, that he forgot to honestly try and protect us with any goodwill. How can I ever forgive him for that?"
Oh..who knew Axel and Eraqus were actually more similar then he thought. He shoves the comparison away before it can take root with any strength. He doesn't want to think about that. Axel at least, made it up to him by protecting Sora.
He's been raising his voice for a while now, and he grabs his own arms to calm down, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm yelling. I'm sorry. Its hard for me to understand to." A breath. "..I can't tell you if I hate him or not. I'm really really angry at him, but I still love him. But...I never want to see him again. Not really. I'm...glad I don't have to. Isn't that kind of horrible?" He rubbed his face a little, trying to get his thoughts to make sense.
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Date: 2020-04-13 03:06 am (UTC)For Vanitas, intent is a black box. He can only work backwards from what was actually done. Vanitas doesn't consider sparring as 'fighting', in this metric, but to be honest there wasn't much of that either, and only very late, under high supervision. Ostensibly because of the gap in skill, because of the risk of Unversed being created by an accidental hit, and also because of Vanitas's enthusiasm combined with a penchant for dirty tricks (the whole point of a spar was to win, right?). It was mostly theory, drills, and magic practice, instead. Vanitas reaches the same conclusion Roxen does, of wondering why he was allowed to get stronger at all. It's part of the whole mess of things.
"It's fine." Vanitas waves off the apology easily. There's a pang, a sharp painful spike, but it's not because of the yelling. He's used to being yelled at occasionally, and this isn't even at him. It's his own memories of Eraqus coming up, the good ones. He gives Roxas a 'look who you're talking to' expression, on the horrible end of things. "If you don't hate him, then you know the Organization was worse." It's possibly the teeniest thread of a silver lining ever, but it's something Vanitas can give, a certainty. There's a scale and this magic teacher who really wasn't is further down it. Vanitas is shaky on the whole idea of forgiveness but he likes to consider himself an expert on negative emotions (although he's probably not as much of one as he thinks). He leans back on his elbows.
"He tried to kill you. Not wanting to see him again isn't horrible, it's sane." It's that simple to Vanitas. Black and white thinking at work again. Nevermind that he himself doesn't know if he'd want to see Eraqus again, if the man was still alive. It just feels. So horribly unfinished, how things ended. There was no true close to it, no deliberate severance. The choice to fight for his life was taken out of his hands. He'd never see Eraqus again, and it wouldn't be because he chose not to.
('So invested in maintaining the status quo that he forgot to protect us with goodwill' would sting if Vanitas were more self-aware. That one year was... kind of like that, rip.)
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Date: 2020-04-16 08:52 am (UTC)"It's not really how bad he is that matters." He finally sighs, running a hand through his hair. "It's just that...he did something bad. To both of us. Which means...I don't know what it means. But it means something. I can't think about it any more then that." Even thinking about his old Master's face is starting to feel like a nail being driven through his skull.
"Aqua misses him." He sighs. "I don't...know if she knows. I'm not going to tell her. But she misses him and I don't want to see him ever again...do you feel like that with her?"
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Date: 2020-04-16 09:40 am (UTC)Except not, because... there's an expression Vanitas's face gets, the sort of default neutral expression that comes when there's inner turmoil he's focusing on keeping down instead of having it come out, quite literally.
It's not as bad here as in other cases, but it's basically habit at this point. He looks down, thinking, picking at the hem of Ventus's blue lobster shirt before remembering and stopping. "I don't know where Aqua is," he admits. "Mickey says the Realm of Darkness, but I can't go because this is in the way." He gestures once again at his body, this time with a snarl of frustration at the situation. If he was his full darknessy self, the Realm would probably pose no obstacle at all, in his mind.
Sora really needs to get the power of waking, but he's also recuperating from the disaster that was the Mastery exam.
i forgot about the blue lobster shirt, praise the blue lobster shirt.
Date: 2020-04-16 08:32 pm (UTC)"Oh." Truthfully, Roxen probably doesn't look very concerned. To him, the solution to this problem is already readily apperant, and hey, if it worked out for him, it'll probably work out for Vanitas. "I guess you woke up early then. She'd already gotten out when I woke up." The first person he saw, really. It was just going to be him, a mess of a person in a dream forever, and then suddenly there was Aqua.
"Why would that get in the way? It's just a body." Between being a nobody, and a half heart of pure light, darkness has never really factored into Roxen's daily concerns. He hasn't tried using a dark corridor yet, but in his head he believes himself still totally capable of them. Why wouldn't he? Hell, Roxas specialized in light spells, and he could still use them.
"If you wanna go, you should just go." He waves a hand flippantly. Yes he's a bit of a methodical thinker but what are consequences again? Running off to save friends is always a 10/10 course of action. "Axel...Lea could probably get you there if you asked. Borrow one of the coats."
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Date: 2020-04-16 08:57 pm (UTC)Instead of realizing Roxen is making several assumptions about the timeline and accidentally conflating Vanitas's benevolent possession with Ventus's future awakening, Vanitas's mood ticks up a few points as he fully buys it, a considering spark in his eyes. Roxen has no reason to lie, and Aqua IS badass enough to break out on her own, in his mind. If she's out there somewhere in the worlds now it's just a matter of finding her.
As a result he's less snappish than he could be when he rolls his eyes and says "Yeah, and who'd have to explain that I lost it if it ends up wrecked." It bothers him a lot more than his flippant tone suggests - he technically knows replicas are a thing but not that they can be convenient blank slate bodies for such a purpose. If this shell of Ventus dies... that's it. Still tho. He really does want to, stop enabling him Roxen. But at least it's not as much of concern because Aqua's not there after all :' )
He extends a hand in front of him and darkness swirls to make a portal hanging just in front of the tower. He smirks. "Who needs Lea?" It collapses as he withdraws his hand, thinking. "How good are the coats?" Are they as good as keyblade armor? He finds himself a little skeptical, just by default.
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Date: 2020-04-17 07:26 am (UTC)Well he's at least 50% sure.... If Sora has issues its probably his own fault from stabbing himself out of his heart all the time!
"Hey!" He pouts a bit. "Lea is useful. He knows a lot of stuff." Despite all complicated feelings, he does still feel obligated to stick up for his best friend. "He's the one who showed me where to get the ice cream we just finished." And now he wants more. Drat.
"Not quite sure." He said honestly. "I didn't...well I didn't think I had a heart when I was using them. So I wasn't really paying attention to if I was getting darkness on me, 'n stuff." He pauses. "But, you know. Xehanort wears a coat instead of keyblade armor, and since he's a master he probably has one of those. So, I think they must be at least as good. I don't think he'd wear something that didn't work."
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Date: 2020-04-17 08:35 am (UTC)Roxas got a Ventus-heart makeover so maybe that hit the reset button? Who knows. A mystery.
Vanitas's face gets the grumpy sour expression common to those who know a good point is being made at them that they will only begrudgingly accept. Much as he dislikes Xehanort (most of the ire squarely at the feet of having to live with and never see Terra for a year) and would not trust the man or anything he says out of principle, Roxen has a point.
"I'll see if Lea can get me one." Vanitas does have a nose for who can or will enable shenaniganry and he has not incorrectly pegged Lea as the sort who would let him sneak out to do this despite technically not being allowed to, without telling anyone. So he is useful, and this is Vanitas low key saying as much because his pride can inflict him with obliqueness sometimes. He leans forward, interested. "Where did you get it?" It was actually pretty good. He wouldn't mind getting more for himself, later. (He's going to eat like twenty bars in quick succession and regret it soundly).