"Terra?" He says, before deciding, actually it doesn't matter. Whatever weird timeline this other Vanitas is living in, there are probably to many changes to go into right now. Besides we need to keep him ignorant so he can die by Terras hand in a soon to be time because despite all the changes, Roxen would still. Do. That.
He grimaces a little as Vanitas calls him out, hunching his shoulders a bit with a sigh. Point taken. He'd like to, really. Idealistically he'd like to. Practically...he really doesn't want to see the other boy. He doesn't like him, even if theoretically he know Vanitas is a victim. He's just also someone who wants to hurt him...and he just doesn't want to deal with it.
He will have to, of course. There's no avoiding it. And maybe he will try then--but he doesn't want to think on it. To many headaches.
Instead he resumes his careful measured gaze on Vanitas as he speaks, trying to understand the other boy as he talks. His heart does genuinely ache as Vanitas struggles through it, even if Roxen is as lost for answers. He doesn't know what Eraqus thought or wanted, or if not letting Vanitas fight was a good idea (though it is weird to him. Eraqus never had any qualms with Ven sparring. Was it because of the danger of Unversed, or was he simply stricter with a creature of darkness. Logically, he figures, not allowing Ven to fight would have delayed creation of the Chi Blade just as effectively...so why.)
"They always healed me." He does point out, interjecting thoughtfully. "Even when they were the reason I got hurt. It was the intent that mattered..." They healed him because it was practical, not out of any genuine care. To Roxen, intent has as much merit as the action does. "But from what you said... I don't think Eraqus was like that."
And then he lands on the question Roxen has been asking himself even before he was really aware. One that tormented Ventus as doggedly as it seemed to torment Vanitas (though Ventus had precious little time to process it). Why? If he was going to do it, why didn't he do it from the very start? Why keep it a secret? Why why why?
Roxen can't answer that. He doesn't try to because he doesn't know either. Its a horrible question to beat your head against, because while he's a hand better at nuance then Vanitas, it still doesn't make sense.
Vanitas turns to glare at him, and Roxen stops to note how red his eyes are, not the yellow he's familiar with before his careful expression shuts down into something stony with gritted teeth. A familar migraine starts up.
"Eraqus raised me." He said, hissing it out like the words pained him (and they did!). "He taught me so much. He...did so much. I was so happy living with him..."
"But." He says and his blue eyes are cold as he stares down at the stone. "He never explained anything. I--Ventus-whatever, I wasn't a bad kid. I didn't like breaking the rules. If he'd told me, about Vanitas and Xehanort and the Chi-Blade, I would have understood why he wanted to keep me close. Then if I left, it really would have been my fault for risking everyone. But it wasn't my fault--because he didn't tell me!"
"And then before I'd even figured anything out." He spat. "Before I knew who Vanitas was or who I'd been. When I came home of my own volition looking for answers, he tried to kill me. Didn't even spare me a second to ask a question or explain myself. Oh, I knew something was up, something terrible I was being used for. But Eraqus just told me I didn't deserve to live--and left it at that. Didn't even try to convince me to stay, or offer a solution. He did that to me. To us. He was so invested in maintaining our peaceful status quo, that he forgot to honestly try and protect us with any goodwill. How can I ever forgive him for that?"
Oh..who knew Axel and Eraqus were actually more similar then he thought. He shoves the comparison away before it can take root with any strength. He doesn't want to think about that. Axel at least, made it up to him by protecting Sora.
He's been raising his voice for a while now, and he grabs his own arms to calm down, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm yelling. I'm sorry. Its hard for me to understand to." A breath. "..I can't tell you if I hate him or not. I'm really really angry at him, but I still love him. But...I never want to see him again. Not really. I'm...glad I don't have to. Isn't that kind of horrible?" He rubbed his face a little, trying to get his thoughts to make sense.
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He grimaces a little as Vanitas calls him out, hunching his shoulders a bit with a sigh. Point taken. He'd like to, really. Idealistically he'd like to. Practically...he really doesn't want to see the other boy. He doesn't like him, even if theoretically he know Vanitas is a victim. He's just also someone who wants to hurt him...and he just doesn't want to deal with it.
He will have to, of course. There's no avoiding it. And maybe he will try then--but he doesn't want to think on it. To many headaches.
Instead he resumes his careful measured gaze on Vanitas as he speaks, trying to understand the other boy as he talks. His heart does genuinely ache as Vanitas struggles through it, even if Roxen is as lost for answers. He doesn't know what Eraqus thought or wanted, or if not letting Vanitas fight was a good idea (though it is weird to him. Eraqus never had any qualms with Ven sparring. Was it because of the danger of Unversed, or was he simply stricter with a creature of darkness. Logically, he figures, not allowing Ven to fight would have delayed creation of the Chi Blade just as effectively...so why.)
"They always healed me." He does point out, interjecting thoughtfully. "Even when they were the reason I got hurt. It was the intent that mattered..." They healed him because it was practical, not out of any genuine care. To Roxen, intent has as much merit as the action does. "But from what you said... I don't think Eraqus was like that."
And then he lands on the question Roxen has been asking himself even before he was really aware. One that tormented Ventus as doggedly as it seemed to torment Vanitas (though Ventus had precious little time to process it). Why? If he was going to do it, why didn't he do it from the very start? Why keep it a secret? Why why why?
Roxen can't answer that. He doesn't try to because he doesn't know either. Its a horrible question to beat your head against, because while he's a hand better at nuance then Vanitas, it still doesn't make sense.
Vanitas turns to glare at him, and Roxen stops to note how red his eyes are, not the yellow he's familiar with before his careful expression shuts down into something stony with gritted teeth. A familar migraine starts up.
"Eraqus raised me." He said, hissing it out like the words pained him (and they did!). "He taught me so much. He...did so much. I was so happy living with him..."
"But." He says and his blue eyes are cold as he stares down at the stone. "He never explained anything. I--Ventus-whatever, I wasn't a bad kid. I didn't like breaking the rules. If he'd told me, about Vanitas and Xehanort and the Chi-Blade, I would have understood why he wanted to keep me close. Then if I left, it really would have been my fault for risking everyone. But it wasn't my fault--because he didn't tell me!"
"And then before I'd even figured anything out." He spat. "Before I knew who Vanitas was or who I'd been. When I came home of my own volition looking for answers, he tried to kill me. Didn't even spare me a second to ask a question or explain myself. Oh, I knew something was up, something terrible I was being used for. But Eraqus just told me I didn't deserve to live--and left it at that. Didn't even try to convince me to stay, or offer a solution. He did that to me. To us. He was so invested in maintaining our peaceful status quo, that he forgot to honestly try and protect us with any goodwill. How can I ever forgive him for that?"
Oh..who knew Axel and Eraqus were actually more similar then he thought. He shoves the comparison away before it can take root with any strength. He doesn't want to think about that. Axel at least, made it up to him by protecting Sora.
He's been raising his voice for a while now, and he grabs his own arms to calm down, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm yelling. I'm sorry. Its hard for me to understand to." A breath. "..I can't tell you if I hate him or not. I'm really really angry at him, but I still love him. But...I never want to see him again. Not really. I'm...glad I don't have to. Isn't that kind of horrible?" He rubbed his face a little, trying to get his thoughts to make sense.